The Magic of Marriage is in the “mix”

One of the most valuable gifts we can give our kids… is the gift of a healthy marriage and stable home.

Making every effort then to strengthen our relationships as spouses becomes a key to raising our children well. As husbands and wives we encounter repeated clashes of wills, as personal opinions polarize our individual perspectives on life issues, politics and finances. So much so, if we’re not careful we can settle into a semi-hostile relationship living in guarded marriages and tension filled homes.

For men and women of faith, marriage can be a tiresome struggle of opposites learning to co-exist and ‘love’ each other despite our wide personal differences.

For those without the anchor of their faith in Christ, it’s ‘logical’ to simply bail on a relationship that’s just too hard to figure out, to move on in search of someone better who will be more ‘compatible”. Unfortunately this scenario usually ends tragically with our kids the innocent victims of our marital frustration.

So what’s a struggling Christian couple to do ? How do we move from living as sullen room mates to the passionate and supportive union our God calls us to be as husband and wife?

I’m not a marriage therapist, but I have been married now for over 23 years and I’m a pastor… so I’ve experienced a good bit of life struggles and a near marriage disaster. Couple of thoughts to consider if your despairing of hope for your union.

1 – God redeems everything we allow Him to touch. Give Him your marriage, your heart and your ‘right’ to be ‘right.

2- God draws us into relationship with those who are ‘complimentary to us. Our spouses can drive us crazy or they can be what completes the big picture for us. It’s all in the perspective. Ask God to help you ‘see’ the good in your spouses eccentric ways.

3- Compromise is a strength, not a weakness. When we allow ourselves to consider the ‘other ‘ viewpoint on an issue, we are respecting our spouses perspective and growing in compassion and consideration. When we insist on others accommodating only to our way, we’re walling off and shutting down those who need to be in the intimate ‘mix” of our life.

In the end, marriage is all about the ‘blend’ of personal strengths and weaknesses we are when we are unified and ‘together”. When I allow for my spouse to speak into my life, helping to shape my values,beliefs and behaviors… I am MUCH better than when I just forge on alone, doing life as “I See It”.

Our kids are aware of ALL of this, and watching how we navigate the bumps and troubles of our relationships and forming their own beliefs about marriage and commitment. Let’s be diligent to push through the difficult days and recommit ourselves to finding the healthy blend of each other as we learn how to live as “ONE”.

Peace out, Pastor B.

Couple of resources to consider;Intimate Allies” – by Dan Allender or “Love and Respect; The Love She desires, the respect he desperately needs” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

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