blink of an eye…

Life is precious. It can evaporate in a blink of an eye. For parents this reality can become a tragedy of epic proportion. For those of us who are fortunate to navigate our lives within the normal cycle of life, it is merely an observation or random event that happens to someone else.

For parents who have lost a child or are at risk for loosing a child… this reality of the fragility of life eclipses all other possible concerns. Finances, personality conflicts, career, possessions…all fade into mere background shadow. When a loved one is at the edge of death… clarity for our lives becomes immediate.

Our beliefs, our true priorities, our faith all rise to the surface.

We will strain and strive to use every atom of our being to save our precious loved one. We begin to beg and bargain with God to reverse the days tragic events, and we plead for divine intervention into the medical realities of their human condition. We constantly re-wind our time with them…remembering, playing back happy memories, and fond adventures of better days. Cherishing, loving and holding onto them frantically, we cling to the barest memory of their touch, however distant or faded.

It takes us to our knees, hoping for a miracle… fervently praying that God will make an exception for us. That he will step into the tragedy of our pain and relieve us of the searing hurt and hopelessness we feel. If we’re honest we might admit to attempting to make a list of all our “good” actions and hope that it offsets the total of our “bad” actions in an effort to strike a “deal” with God.

We hurt down into our very souls. Deep like a toothache without any way to blunt the pain, it threatens our sanity and it drives all thoughts of self, or personal need from our minds. It haunts us. It eats at our hope and drowns our faith like a dark tide.

I walked into a similar scene this Sunday morning at a regional trauma center in Kalamazoo MI. My cousin Brent was in a coma, struggling to survive the weekend after sustaining severe head wounds and brain damage. His car had made a 75 mph impact with a parked semi on the nearby interstate. Brent was an only child…and the all-American boy, he loved his mom, baseball and apple pie. Handsome, generous and hard-working, married only two years now to his child hood sweetheart, he was loved and respected and seemed destined to go far and high in his sport and in his life. (article from Western MI – )

I wept on the drive up to Kalamazoo from Nashville on saturday. The drive was painful for me in ways I still can’t fully express or understand. I loved Brent. In the general sense. He is my first cousin’s son. I played with him as a boy at family reunions and watched from a far as he grew and became a man. I knew he was a great athlete and his parents had loved him with all their hearts, attending every home baseball game possible for his entire life. But the pain I felt for him was more than could be explained by pure emotion alone. It was something else.. deeper.

What I believe I felt was only a hint of the pain of  a loving and good father, who is separated completely from his only son. It happened in the blink of an eye and it tore at the soul like no other pain could. It was as if the fabric of a beautiful life was ripped from top to bottom and all that should be… no longer was. It was disorienting. It was wrong, un-natural and unjust.

And then it hit me… Jim’s (Brent’s dad) pain, was my pain. And our pain was God’s. I felt through my cousin the distant trembling of a life that was almost taken out too early by a world out of control.

I started to consider how God must feel as our loving heavenly father, and how He suffers the same over us, with all of the needless tragedies in our world that occur every day. Those lives who suffer in other ways, men and women who may not have hit a physical semi, but whose  emotional or spiritual conditions are so damaged by life that they never ever will recover. Those who didn’t have a loving family or father, or mother. And those who have no one to help them along the way.

What you don’t know yet in Brent’s story…is of the blessing a total stranger gave to us, when he was with Brent at the scene of the accident friday, praying by his side as the EMT’s cut him out of the wreckage. A stranger on the road, who was willing to give up his plans for my cousin. He was willing to be uncomfortable, and awkward and bloody as he stayed to show real love to a total stranger who was facing death and the possible end of his life alone. This stranger would be a genuine man of faith. And in our families eyes… a true hero.

My challenge to us all… it’s time for those of us who call upon the name of Jesus to become that man or woman of faith on the side of life’s road. Each and every day. To recognize how fragile the lives we pass could really be, ones that can be changed forever… lives like my cousin Brent’s. In just the blink of an eye.

Peace out,


Tweens and Tragedy, A tale of technology at work for good

How does a tween process tragedy ? How should they ? Do they even notice the world around them beyond their Wii or Facebook or iPod’s ? As adults, we are horrified and in awe of the magnitude of it all… as we watch helplessly as  the cable news world broadcasts 24/7 revealing image after image of near cataclysmic destruction.  

As a parent I’m very concerned about the people of Japan… a tragic  world event that has rocked us all by the power and ferocity of its impact as we see the effects sheer devastation from friday’s earthquake and resulting epic tsunami as it hurtled over the countryside. Shocking, mind-numbing videos of walls of water and towns simply wiped off the map.

It’s impossible to process with our adult minds, yet alone a growing preteen’s who is functioning only from a very sheltered and limited concept of the tragedy and brevity of life.

So in the midst of this terrible event… is there really a way technology can help them reach through the self-absorbed haze of adolescence and see the real world beyond the virtual ?

Yes, I believe there might be…

Surprisingly, the answer may be found to some degree in the technology we are so cautious to let them access. Facebook, Twitter and social media are always working to expand our kids minds and awareness beyond their bedrooms and pre-teen drama. It’s just usually in a “bad” way.

When I talked with my own kids about this tragedy, my son was very sober. He has a very close school friend who recently had to move to Tokyo, and the recent tragedy combined with my sons growing awareness of the reality of such tragedies (2010 Nashville floods) had begun to move him from the passive typical pre-teen to an alert and appropriately concerned young man. He is really connected to and anxious for his friends well – being. Not just his friend, but he’s aware that this tragic event really happened. That those people were really displaced or killed and it is not just a movie or a tv reality show that’s playing right now on the television…its life beyond U-Tube.

The power of connectivity through technologyallows all of us to be “personally” invested in the welfare of others. Regardless of how we connect, Facebook, Twitter or email…they all allow us to stay connected to our friends and family in ways we could have never anticipated and ( I believe) in doing so, technology has shown us Parents a potential “silver” lining to the online revolution of this generation.

My son is actually engaged, he is active in seeking out news on this tragedy. His friend is in the center of this catastrophic loss and he is very aware of how dangerous and serious this event is for the people and nation of Japan and beyond. His world view has been expanded and his compassion and awareness of the needs of others is at an all time high. That is a good thing. His world is expanding beyond his own cares and concerns and I am grateful for that.

So much so, that he commented to me last night… “Dad, some of the kids at school are complete idiots…they have no idea whats going on in Japan, and whats worse… they couldn’t care less because it doesn’t affect them in any way.” I have no doubt that’s true for some, but not all. I believe we have a golden opportunity in this disaster to gently re-direct our kids attention from themselves to others and to begin to consider what “they” might be able to do to help.

So, parents…before we completely remove all social media and technology from our pre-teens lives… let’s be careful to consider and “LOOK FOR” the potential positive benefits of its presence in our homes. As with all things… in moderation and with consideration for the content and priorities of real life in mind.

I’m not a huge advocate of technology as I’ve seen it negatively impact families and homes in very dangerous ways when out of balance, but I am cautiously optimistic on this particular facet of its existence. It could be a huge catalyst for growing our pre-teens awareness of the world beyond our borders and the need for increased compassion and sensitivity to those less fortunate.

Here’s to keeping on the road and in between the lines… and when you read this, please consider taking a moment to stop what your about and pray for the welfare and safety of those families and lives affected by the recent earthquake in Japan. If you’re a parent… go ahead and ask your kids to join with you when you do. It will show them your faith in action when facing tragedy and loss, a priceless lesson of hope and trust when life gets beyond anyone’s control.

Peace out,