5 Essentials for Modern Parenting

 

5 Essential Issues for Today’s Christian Parent!

As summarized from the Brilliantly Brave Parenting Podcast series:

Parenting is hard work and it requires effort and conviction to do well! Sometimes it feels like the odds are stacked against us. We’re here to bring hope and practical advice to the challenges of faith-based parenting. Brilliantly Brave Parenting wants to be a fun and encouraging resource for today’s Christian family!

Here are FIVE essentials of parenting to consider:

#1 Fighting Futureshock: Today’s generation of parents currently active & engaged with the church is struggling with more than a simple ‘generation gap.’ We are struggling with ‘Futureshock.“ Which means, “a displacement of reality in which life is only focused on the present, and constantly being redefined by the moment. This lack of stability and constancy creates a state of constant flux for parents.”

Clearly as parents in a shifting moral landscape we are going to need to anchor ourselves and our kids to something ‘greater’ than ourselves.

The traditions of the faith provide a powerful resource for parents and pastors to utilize. Disciplines of devotion offer a way for us to be reminded of the truth of our biblical heritage. The constant remembrance of how BIG GOD is, and how the values of our world do not match with the values of scripture.

https://soundcloud.com/brilliantlybrave/ep57-bishop-dan-scott – Find out more  Listen to our FREE Podcast Link

 #2. Self-Care is ESSENTIAL:

When was the last time you invested in yourself as a parent or pastor?

Parenting is exhausting, the idea that we can just persevere through it is a bit naive. We need to rest. We need to recharge and refocus. As parents we can’t give what we don’t have. Our modeling and ability to teach our kids will be profoundly impacted by the energy we have to give them.

Self-Care requires healthy habits, resting well at night, making space in our schedules to spend time with our families, and watching our diet and exercise. That also means saying ‘no’ to outside things so that we are sure that we’re involved with our kids. We can’t offer what we don’t have.

Jesus modeled this idea when he would retreat from the crowds and the disciples to go apart and pray. He would withdraw to the mountains as often as he could, knowing the essential nature of rest and refreshment spiritually, physically, and emotionally. We are no different.

Podcast Link: https://soundcloud.com/brilliantlybrave/reality-with-teens-ep44-paige-clingenpeel

#3 Heritage of Faith

God calls parents to do amazing things with their lives! We can’t put Him in a small box, His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts… the path God leads is often overwhelmingly big and seemingly impossible. But God has a long, long, history of calling ordinary men and women to do extraordinary things.

We need to ‘listen’ and be aware of the subtle requests that God nudges us to do. It is NOT our life, we are on loan to God, and we can’t forget that God has plans for us that are bigger than our own. The same is true for our children.

Our kids and our plans can’t be driven by our ambition or pride, because it’s not about us. EGO is Edging God Out, and we can’t do that as Christians.

God will empower us to see beyond our own lives, to see the needs of those around us and to give us the strength and courage to act boldly!

Podcast Link: https://soundcloud.com/brilliantlybrave/brilliantly-brave-episode-1-patti-garibay

#4 The Danger of Self-Reliance:

Being perceived as “strong” and above it all is a huge temptation for parents in the church to try and project. The reality is, we’re not. We can’t handle it all by ourselves. We need help and we need encouragement, and we need support from other believers.

Parenting is more than a project to complete, it’s a sacred assignment to be guarded and stewarded well. Part of stewarding our parenting role is to surround ourselves with wise counsel and experience from those who have gone before us.

Living self-reliant as a parent can result in the spiritual death of your kids! Don’t do it. Jesus never called us to be ‘good’ – but Holy. Good is what we do, Holy is what He does. Christian Karma is when we start ‘comparing’ our good/bad behavior with others and rely on our being ‘better’ than other people.

Values based parenting vs. Rules based – the difference is all about what we parent from… fear or love.

What is our goal as a parent? To deliver a ‘good’ kid at 18 years of age, without having premarital sex, or having tried alcohol or drugs? Or is it to love them unconditionally and help them discover their identity as God created them to be?

Podcast Link: https://soundcloud.com/brilliantlybrave/ep30-dean-diehl

#5 Single Parents and the Church: 

One-third of all households are led by a single parent. Today’s single parents are struggling to engage with the church and with their faith. Being ‘alone’ and unsupported by the Christian culture is something solo parents often ‘feel,’ no matter what a local community of faith might project.

The battle for single parents to raise their children to be responsible and well-balanced citizens, provide for their well-being, and keep up with all of the myriad of demands that life throws at us is impossible. They are overwhelmed by it all in the best of circumstances.

The role of church in coming along side of single parents has largely been in question. Many single parents feel abandoned or judged by the church and lack the confidence to enter the doors of a church to ask for help. The need for single parent spiritual support and practical assistance is only growing. How the church responds now will be a significantly positive or negative impact for the next generation of parents.

Podcast Link: https://soundcloud.com/brilliantlybrave/ep59-nikki-leonti-edgar

Essentials for Parents #3 – A Heritage of Faith

Essentials of Parenting #3.Living out a Heritage of Faith

God calls us as parents to do amazing things with our lives! We can’t follow God and keep Him in a safe and well-defined box, He will call us to follow Him and into strange and often unfamiliar places. Yes, being a parent is often strange and unfamiliar enough, but God may be calling each of us to step further out and do more outside of the comfort of our home.  Our inspiration for this post is Patti Garibay, founder of American Heritage Girls, and her story is so encouraging for parents to hear!

As Patti shares of her story it becomes very clear, God’s ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts… so the path God leads us to follow is often overwhelmingly big and seemingly impossible. God has a long, long, history of calling ordinary men and women to do extraordinary things.

Our talents and education, preparation and confidence have nothing to do with God’s ability to use us for His plans. As parents we may feel like we’re totally out of it, barely surviving our responsibilities and feeling very much like a failure, but God has a habit of using people like us to do impossible things. 

We can be used by God despite our shortcomings and fears and irregardless of our failures and frustrations. God works with those who will simply take the time to listen and trust it enough to follow.

As parents its our lifetime of learning and trusting God that creates the foundation of a genuine “Heritage of Faith’.  It’s not our ‘mistake’ free lives or career successes that will win our kids hearts, instead it’s the grace we receive and share that paves the way for God to work.

Patti Garibay heard God’s cry as a stay at home mother and obeyed in faith. The result, the formation of “American Heritage Girls” and twenty-five years later, hundreds of thousands of girls have been influenced and shaped by a heritage of faith, passed down from a stay at home mom’s obedience to God.

Source AHG

Some points of advice from her Season 1 interview:

  • We need to “listen’ and be aware of the subtle requests that God nudges us to do. It is NOT our life, we are on loan to God, and we can’t forget that God has plans for us that are bigger than our own. The same is true for our children.
  • Our lives as parents’ matter, we’re not in control but we are able to influence and shape our kids while we’re given the opportunity. What we do as spouses and parents will impact our kids for generations and passing along a heritage of faith requires parents who will consistently chose to put God’s will and plans above their own, both for themselves and for their kids.
  • Our experiences as parents and families will be less than perfect or ideal, we must trust that God can use us and our kids regardless of our ‘performance’. We can trust God to walk us into the opportunities and paths that we are meant to follow.
  • Our kids and our plans can’t be driven by our ambition or pride, it’s not about us. EGO is Edging God Out, and we can’t do that as Christians.
  • God will empower us to see beyond our own lives, to see the needs of those around us and to give us the strength and courage to act boldly!
  • Change is NOT a bad thing. The Lord has a plan for us, and change may be what is exactly necessary for us and our spiritual life. We don’t need to be afraid to follow the leading of God, we need to step out of the boat and walk on water.

About Patti Garibay: Patti Garibay is founder and Executive Director of the national character development organization, the American Heritage Girls. Educated at the Ohio State University with a major in secondary education and French, Patti shares a love of history and youth. Patti and her husband Pat, of thirty-nine years, are blessed with four grown children, three girls and a boy, five grandsons and two granddaughters.

Related Links; 

Podcast Interview:

American Heritage Girls 

iShine Ministries / Tween Gospel Alliance 

Brilliantly Brave Parenting

I heard the phrase ‘brilliantly brave‘ last night during a prayer at my parish in Columbia TN. (props to Tanya Grabbe)

It struck a note with me… you know that tingling sensation… resonating with something deeper inside your heart. A connecting point between a vague idea you had and a specific phrase that captures the essence of your thought.

“Brilliantly Brave’ was exactly what I had been searching for. It described how I saw moms and dads and parents across the globe trying to raise up decent kids in an insane and out of control world.

“Brilliantly Brave’.

I Love the feelings those two words evoke, the sense of raw courage and strength they lend to any phrase. And of course… they also work perfectly for a new podcast I’m developing with iShine and the Tween Gospel Alliance (TGA), a series designed specifically for parents who are struggling and feeling a lot less than ‘brilliant or brave!

GONE WILD VIA GETTY IMAGES

GONE WILD VIA GETTY IMAGES

In Our culture it’s common to google an answer to almost any issue we face. Wanna know how to cook a Thanksgiving turkey to perfection? Google it.

Wanna discover how to fix a drywall mistake on your living room wall? Google it.

Wanna fix your 12 year old’s attitude…? Google it…?

 We’re trained to ask “Siri’ or “Alexa’ to scour the internet for answers. To locate the smartest and best way to fix our problem. Very little discernment required for most of life’s little problems. 

Raising kids of course is way more complicated than a new recipe or DIY project. So who do you turn to for parenting advice? Where do you go to get answers for relational challenges like growing, hormonal, teens/tweens?

Very few of us would turn to the mirror in our search. Even less of us would ever consider our advice or insights as “brilliant’. I hope I can change that misperception.

My suggestion isn’t to chuck every other idea or advice out there, but to encourage you to cautiously peruse whatever it is “Siri’ suggests. Friends and family are always ready to give advice, and of course you’re local pastor or priest is a great place to go for some sage counsel… but what about you?

What if you put you’re own name on the door and listened to what God was saying directly to you about you’re problem? What if you seriously spent some time with the bible, you’re spouse, and in prayer?

Would God answer?

Would God actually give you insight and wisdom as to how to respond and parent? Maybe even show you the specific keys to your kids heart?

Yes… He would.

If you share my Christian worldview even a little… you recognize that in God’s Kingdom, there are no coincidences. The child you have has been hand-picked for you and you for them. No way someone else has a deeper insight than you into the inner workings of your kids heart. Aided by the power of the Holy Spirit, and the strength of faith you can go where no expert can, right to the very center mass of the issue surrounding your problem.

That means you are the most “Brilliant” parent possible for ‘your child.

Now… if only we were “Brave‘ enough.

🙂

Pastor B.

 

 

 

Imagining the worst…

Ever watch a friendship or marriage dis-integrate right before your eyes ? Maybe you’re in the middle of a relational crisis, or maybe it’s your tween or teen whose pulling so far away ?

It’s brutal to see up close.

Disrespect and broken trust erode what once was inseparable. Like emotional acid, the burn never seems to stop. Perceptions shift as mountains of past hurts, regret, and shame, dissolve through what remained of our commitment.

Intimacy turns inside out and ugly in a moment. Lost and emotionally afraid, we can start to hate the silence.

Conversations change. Sour stirrings of bitterness creep into our words as our wounded hearts seek to hide the truth and carry on without ever resolving the pain.

In time…our emotional reserves run out. Cold, flat, facts replace the warmth once felt, as we drift and float further apart. Apathy is all it takes to lose our relationship. Love and respect replaced by our deep and wary suspicion of ill intent.

HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN ?

Subtly we can lose our grip on reality, as the voices of  twisted truths win the war of trust in our heart. We start to entertain the darkest possible scenarios in our mind, in short…we imagine the worst, believing internal ‘whispers of warning‘ about events that have never even occurred yet.

Over time we can become so ‘convinced’ that we’re in the right to doubt others, we forget to even ask ourselves if they actually did anything to hurt us. Sometimes we can imagine offense by projecting past offenses or hurts into our present. Internal ‘perceptions become reality and our cynical imagination builds an elaborate dungeon of distrust. Once we surrender to those thoughts and fears, we can lose sight of what once was compassion and optimistic hope for one another.

Over time we can even start to predict that all kinds of people will eventually hurt or betray us, and in a paranoid attempt to protect ourselves, we withdraw from relationships before any of that happens. anxiety

The community of faith that Christ calls us to live in can’t survive long with our imaginations working on overdrive. We have to push back our fears and anxiety as we learn to ‘trust’ the hearts of others are actually ‘good. 

The bible describes these internal fear thoughts and ‘imaginations’ as legitimate spiritual ‘warfare’ ! A real life reality for the believer to accept and anticipate if we are going to make our relationships work.

We need to consciously prepare to defend our friendships,marriages and sanity, by choosing to remember God’s truth in those moments when we ‘feel’ the darkness of doubt, fear, and suspicion begin creeping into our thoughts.

If we don’t regularly choose to believe the best in our relationships, we can easily be deceived into thinking our friends, family, and spouses are the ‘enemy’.

(for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; and having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

The Apostle Paul 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (AKJV)

Parents, believe for the best.

Spouses, trust that nothing is ever impossible with Christ.

Peace out, Pastor B 🙂

Essentials…

Parenting is crammed full of “every-day” details, daily dashes to get the basics covered. Parents are all to aware of the obvious needs; a place to live, a job to pay for the food – someone to cook the food and time to clean up after the food. Clothes to wear, education for the future and a community to grow up in.

familymattersny.com

familymattersny.com

Providing the basics requires a maximum effort 24/7/365. It’s a schedule busting battle to get our kids to and from, while keeping our jobs and staying involved with the “other” things of life. Church…school, sports, dance classes and occasional personal moments to rest and relax. It all adds up and can smother us if we’re not careful. When you stop to think about it…covering the basics is an enormous accomplishment in a world of frenzied commitments and unlimited complexities. Tires go flat, refrigerators go out and roofs leak.

We as parents can & do diligently work to cover the basics and yet we can still miss the “essentials” of being a good parent. Essentials to me are the life skills and values that provide the foundation for our kids to grow into young men and women of character.

Essentials, the things that matter the most for life, are taught only by our behaviors.  We shape the practical life skills and moral education of our kids by their close proximity to us.

So what are the life essentials our day-to-day parenting behaviors teach to our kids? I made a list of some of the essentials I’ve found subtly being “taught” to my kids by my actions. I bet these are familiar…

-More is better

-Faith is for when everything else we’ve tried has failed

-Spending time with God’s people is fourth in the list of life activities to prioritize

-Christian living is about behavior

-Pursuing God can be done after the rest of my life gets in order

– Love and Forgiveness are only ideals

– Jesus came to fix the injustices of our life

-God can be blamed for the “bad” things in our lives

– Friendships are valuable if they offer us an advantage

– Truth is relative and can be “adapted” to fit our needs

– The Bible is full of old stories for old people to read before they die

– Money makes up for sadness, loneliness and despair

– Appearances are everything

Parents, let’s be extra aware of the ESSENTIALS we may be teaching our kids. Remember the attitudes, actions and decisions we make on the fly form the core building blocks of our kids beliefs and values for tomorrow.

Parenting is much MORE than just covering the basics… it’s living out authentically what we speak and say. Something I’ve found to be impossible on my own. Living connected to Jesus and walking out each of my day-to-day moments with the grace and power of HIS life within me is the only way I know to authentically model my faith when my energy, emotions, time and money are all exhausted 🙂

Take the time today to reconnect with Jesus before you rush off to cover all the basics… you’re family will thank you!

Peace Out, Pastor B.